Open Adoption is the New Normal—What Does That Mean for Your Family?
For families considering adoption, the concept of open adoption can feel unfamiliar and overwhelming. Early in the process, uncertainty about the future and the impact of an open relationship drives most of my client’s questions:
-Will the birth parents be involved in our child’s life forever?
-How much contact will we be expected to maintain?
-Will our child be confused about who their parents are?
-What happens if expectations change over time?
All these questions are natural, particularly for families who may have grown up hearing about adoption as a private or even secretive process. But in reality, domestic adoption has changed significantly over the past several decades.
Today, open adoption is the norm rather than the exception. While every adoption relationship is unique, most involve some level of ongoing communication between adoptive families and birth parents. Understanding what open adoption is—and what it is not—can help families approach the process with greater confidence and realistic expectations.
What Is Open Adoption?
Open adoption refers to an arrangement in which adoptive parents and birth parents maintain some degree of communication after placement. The level of openness varies considerably and there is no single model that works for everyone. Communication may consist of annual photographs and written updates. Others prefer to exchange emails, text messages, video calls, or participate in occasional visits. Each family situation is unique, and the level of openness can be and should be tailored accordingly.
Why Has Open Adoption Become So Common?
Much of the shift toward openness has been driven by lived experience.
For adoptive parents, openness can provide valuable medical information, family history, and opportunities for honest conversations with their child about adoption. Birth parents often find comfort in knowing how their child is doing and seeing that the child is thriving.
However, at its heart, open adoption is not about the adults involved. It is about providing children with information, connection, and support as they grow. For many families, open adoption provides a framework for maintaining important connections while ensuring that the child remains at the center of every decision. Open adoptions provide children with the opportunity to understand their story in a way that is honest, age-appropriate, and affirming.
Although openness may feel unfamiliar at first, many adoptive parents ultimately discover that the relationships they once feared become valuable parts of their child’s life story.
Common Misconceptions About Open Adoption
- Myth #1: Birth Parents Will Co-Parent the Child
Perhaps the most common fear among prospective adoptive parents is that ongoing contact will blur parental roles. However, open adoption does not create shared custody or co-parenting arrangements. Instead, it allows for communication and connection while preserving the adoptive family’s role as the child’s permanent family.
Healthy open adoptions generally involve clear boundaries and mutual respect for those roles.
- Myth #2: Open Adoption Confuses Children
Over time, shared experiences suggest the opposite may often be true. Children who grow up understanding their adoption story from an early age frequently develop a stronger sense of identity and security. It is suggested that open communication can reduce feelings of mystery or uncertainty surrounding their origins.
- Myth #3: Contact Will Continue Exactly the Same Forever
Relationships naturally evolve over time. What feels appropriate when a child is an infant may look different during elementary school, adolescence, or adulthood. Successful open adoptions often involve flexibility as the child’s needs change.
Setting Expectations Early
Mutual expectations are the foundation of a successful open adoption relationship. Prospective adoptive parents and expectant parents should have honest conversations about topics such as:
- Preferred methods of communication
- Frequency of updates
- Sharing photographs & social media
- Virtual and In-Person contact
- Extended family involvement
- Flexibility and future expectations as the child grows
Because no one can predict exactly how a relationship will evolve over the years, discussing expectations early will help reduce misunderstandings and build mutual trust. Like any meaningful relationship, trust develops gradually through consistency and time.
Families Should Understand Their Options
Washington families considering adoption should understand that open adoption arrangements can be tailored to the needs of the parties involved. Some families prefer frequent communication and ongoing personal relationships. Others choose more structured arrangements with periodic updates.
Because every adoption is unique, prospective parents should seek guidance regarding available options and any agreements that may be part of the adoption process.
Experienced adoption professionals can help families understand both the practical and legal considerations involved in maintaining healthy post-placement relationships.
Looking Ahead
Understanding openness is an important part of preparing for adoption. Equally important is understanding the financial realities of the process.
We are available to guide you through your adoption journey—schedule a consultation with Dimitra S. Scott at Beresford Booth at info@beresfordlaw.com or by phone at (425) 776-4100.
In our next article, we will discuss adoption expenses, common costs, financial risks, and what prospective adoptive parents should know before beginning their adoption journey.