Collaborative Divorce: Why A Divorce Coach in the Process?
As discussed in previous blogs, the Collaborative Divorce process utilizes not only attorneys, but also various other types of professionals, depending on the needs of the parties and their case. Below is a brief discussion of the role of the divorce coach in the Collaborative Law divorce process and why they might be included.
Divorce Coach
Almost all collaborative divorce attorneys use a divorce coach as part of their process. The coach is a licensed mental health professional who has experience in issues related to separation, divorce, and marriage, as well as training and expertise in the important aspects of the collaborative process. These include but are not limited to, family dynamics, the emotional and psychological challenges of divorce, communication styles and problems in divorce, and how financial difficulties can affect the divorce process.
People going through divorces are dealing with the death of something that has been of major importance in their lives. Loss of control, loss of future hopes and dreams, loss of stability, financial security, connection to the other party, friends, and community, loss of identity as a married person, and loss of time with children can all be kinds of losses experienced during dissolution. Powerful emotions also accompany divorce, including anger, grief, and anxiety, and these may make communication with your departing spouse difficult.
Coaches can help each party in the divorce in the following ways:
- Learn ways to reduce the emotional toll of the divorce on you—the anger, the pain, the grief—and how to prevent those emotions from interfering or preventing you from making good and healthy decisions in the midst of the divorce
- Since they meet with each party separately, they can help each of the parties understand the other party’s point of view
- They help each party to clarify what is important to them—including for themselves, their children and their lives moving forward
- Help create a foundation of trust between the parties despite all the negative emotions, so the parties can move forward and be good co-parents and work toward the best interests of the children
- Listen and then articulate to the other side and other involved professionals what is important to each party—their goals, intentions, aspirations and values
- Help both parties stay accountable to those articulated goals, intentions, aspirations and values
- Help you figure out the goals and values you have around your children in the aftermath of the divorce and articulate those
- Work with both parties to develop a co-parenting plan to meet the needs of the children and divorcing family in both the short and long term.
How Does the Divorce Coach Do All This?
Divorce Coaches have an integrated role and a separate role in the collaborative divorce process. Individually they meet with the couple, both together and separately, and helps the parties to work out what is important to them to articulate in the group setting. Coaches gather information from each party, and work to understand what the stressors and dynamics of the relationship are like. In the group setting, coaches facilitate the meetings with both parties and their attorneys, as well as when other professionals are present. The coach may also make referrals to other professionals such as financial advisors or parenting coaches, and works to integrate these professionals into the team. Coaches watch for problems in meetings, and make sure that both parties are heard and part of the process in good and healthy ways.
Benefits of Collaborative Divorce
Spouses who have gone through the Collaborative Divorce process in their dissolutions report higher levels of satisfaction with the outcome of their dissolution, better relationships with their spouses, and being able to co-parent together in more positive and healthy ways for their children. Collaborative Divorce is a holistic approach that provides an extremely structured way for spouses to work through difficult conflicts with the help of highly trained professionals, and the underpinning of this process is the Participation Agreement between the parties. Parenting issues, divisions of assets, spousal support—all aspects of dissolution can be handled in the collaborative law process, and the success rate is very high when trained professionals engage in the process with the clients and their families. Collaborative Divorce is also generally much less expensive than litigation and trial, and the outcomes are voluntary and not imposed from the top down, as when a judge hands down a decision.
Interested?
If you are interested in Collaborative Divorce, email us at info@beresfordlaw.com, or give us a call at 425-776-4100.